Can you have friends with opposing views? Yes you can.

Having arrived in my 50s, I’ve found myself a little more selective with how and who I share my time. As I get older, I tend to filter out the nonsense, or at least the noise in my life. A big part of that is filtering my choice of “who” will use up the minutes of my life.

On one hand, I feel that I’ve matured in my tolerance of others. However, on the other hand, my list of those that are close to me has narrowed. You would think that this list would contain only like-minded individuals. Not true. I enjoy a few contrarian friends. Those with opinions and ideas that are contrary to mine, but (huge BUT here, you smiled) someone that is willing to have civil conversations about our differences.

I need these individuals in my life. I need the challenge of contrary thought to work my way through my own beliefs and to force myself off the fence on some issues. I need these individuals to learn tolerance. I need these individuals to add a little vim-and-vinegar into my life; to disturb complacency. I need them to occasionally stir my blood pressure and breath life into thoughts.

Again, civil conversation is tolerated here. Neither one of us discussing our ideas to win the other person over. More so, we are discussing our differences in a manner of trying to help the other understand what and why we tick. We discuss how we came to certain conclusions in our lives; be it tragedies, successes, logic, religious beliefs, or previously dispelled traditions. We enjoy discovering common ground, treating it as a safe place to return if differences threaten a rocky divide.

These relationships are built on mutual respect. They are not built on trying to “fix” the other person, or even worse, feeling “sorry” for the other person’s point of view. Both of these suggest that you are speaking from a platform. A platform to me conjures a speaking position above another person. If you attempt to elevate yourself above another person, you are not interested in conversation, you are interested in simply handing down an opinion and getting your own point across. And when both people are fighting for the platform, the most horrid of things ensue: DRAMA. And put simply, drama is not welcome here.

Drama is a finger pointing at another person, shouting why you are right, and why they are going to burn in the depths of H-E-double-hockey sticks. Drama is agenda driven. Drama is selfish. And more than anything, the drama is noise. When this noise is present, it drowns out all other sounds. It drowns out the sound of my grandkids laughing. It drowns out the words of my kids discussing their life challenges with me. It drowns out the music of relationships. And to be heard above the sound of drama’s onslaught, one has to either shout back or put up with the numbing noise — neither reaction connotes a healthy outcome.

There is a place for drama. It’s over there. A little further. A little bit more. Right there. Can you hear that? Me neither. Perfect.

Originally published at Man Ramblings.