Don’t Just Listen, Hear Them

The art of quelling your own inner-voice.

Don’t decide what’s important for people. Let them tell you. Don’t Assume.

Several years ago, my wonderful grandmother had progressed to the point in her life that she needed more care than the family could simply provide. Her needs had moved beyond the skills of her loving family, most importantly her medical needs.

My uncle’s located an elderly care facility that was located in the heart of where most of the extended family lived. To top it off, my cousin was the head physical therapist at the facility and would see grandma frequently while doing his rounds.

My uncles approached my grandmother about moving into the facility, prepared to answer any questions or concerns that she may have. I can imagine that any number of items came to their minds as they imagined themselves being in her shoes. Ironically, it all came down to only one question; a real concern to her.

“Can I have salt?”

Really.

She was concerned about being able to have salt on her food while living there.

Did you see that coming? No? Neither did they. My uncles more than likely did the exact same thing that we all would do in that same circumstance, imagined how this would affect us and what concerns “we” have. However, the most important aspect is to not assume, let the individual tell us what is important to them.

I bring this up as it can definitely affect many facets of our lives. From our kids to our spouses, to our siblings, to our parents, to our co-workers, to our friends, and the list goes on.

There is a saying about “walking a mile in someone else’s shoes” to better understand them. This saying to me is more about empathy for an individual and their situation. On the other hand, autonomy and what motivates people is something different.

The beauty of the human condition is how individualized each person is, adding to the diversity of our wonderful communities.

With that, finding out what motivates someone is so much better than assuming. Throwing a party for a friend that may not like the spotlight, but we love to be the center of attention. Punishing a child with no television, but they prefer to read anyway, and it just so happens that you have shows you “can’t miss.”

Learning what motivates an individual takes listening and personal investment. Not just listening, but really listening. Listening to an individual without concern of formulating your responses while they’re talking. Listening with an open mind though we already have contrarian thoughts or views that are interfering with “hearing” the person.

So my challenge for you today, “Listen.” And while listening, really hear.

Good luck!